Spiritual Directors and the Need for Restorative Love
reflection by Ashley Brooks
Spiritual directors, and others who listen deeply and walk alongside others, exist in a unique space in the world. Their call is to be present, to hold space for those who come to them. This is holy work. It is also heavy work.
Those who are spiritual companions to others know this truth in their bones. Spiritual directors accompany people through valleys of grief, trauma, loneliness, doubt, addiction, betrayal, and shame. They hold silence thick with sorrow. They witness stories that do not resolve neatly. They honor questions that have no quick answers. Again and again, they hold sacred space for others to encounter God in the midst of life’s deepest wounds.
They also accompany people through incredible joy, consolation, and excitement. They see people’s prayers answered. They watch as God is made known in miraculous ways. Yet this, too, can be a kind of weight for the director to carry. It isn’t easy to set yourself aside—your own deeply felt emotions and experiences—so that you can bear witness to another’s pain or joy.
Over time, the weight of what is heard and held can settle into the body and spirit of the director. Even when boundaries are clear, the simple act of compassionate presence requires energy. Directors may find themselves carrying echoes of others’ pain long after a session has ended. They may notice fatigue that is more than physical, or find that they have difficulty focusing. Maybe something in their own spirit just feels off.
These are the body’s way of inviting you to acknowledge your own need to rest in God’s love. That rest looks different for each person, but the call is the same: set down your burdens and remember that you are beloved at your core. Regardless of what you accomplish or who you accompany, you are wrapped in God’s love by simply being.
Accept that loving embrace. Ask God for the grace to receive care, in whatever form that may take for you. It may be time in nature, playing with creativity, Sabbath rest, or simply time spent with your loved ones.
To rest in belovedness is foundational. It’s essential for directors to remember that they are held in the same compassionate gaze they offer to others. The care, support, and deep listening that you offer to others flows from God’s loving hand; it’s not meant to be sustained by you alone.
May you feel open to God’s presence, and may your soul be tended, renewed, and strengthened by the one who loves you as you are.
Invitations to Explore Restorative Love
Join us for our upcoming Groundings lecture, The Restorative Power of Love with Felicia Murrell. Explore how the practice of beholding Love returns us to ourselves and more fully to a love ethos that can be embodied as a way of being in the world. Learn more and register here.
Spiritual directors serve as advocates for the inner life. We invite you to attend our upcoming Spiritual Director Development Series: Into the Interior with Diane Millis. In this session, you’ll be introduced to a framework for listening with the ear of your heart and invited to practice heeding the whispers of your heart. Learn more and register here.