Sacred Listening: How to Listen to God, Others, and Yourself

Most of us have had the experience of talking to someone who isn’t fully listening to us. Maybe their attention has drifted to their phone or their eyes have glazed over. Most of us have also been on the other side of that conversation, where we are the ones who aren’t being attentive to the person in front of us!

Deep listening is a skill that’s not often practiced in our culture. People rush from task to task, with phones always at the ready to distract them from the here and now. Yet we all know how it feels to sit across from someone who isn’t fully present with us. It’s hurtful when someone isn’t really “there” with us. I feel like you aren’t seeing and hearing me. Don’t you care? Is what’s on your phone or in your mind more important to you than I am? Would you rather be somewhere else?

But when people do fully listen—what a beautiful moment of connection! Love flows out from the listener and envelopes the person they’re with. Deep listening is one of the simplest ways to offer care to others and to ourselves.

Listening with the ear of your heart blesses yourself as well as those around you. It opens you up to inner listening, a place where you can more clearly hear the movement of the Spirit and your own intuition within you. It offers a break from the noise of the world around us and can remind us that God is present with us in our current moment. All ground is holy ground if we practice listening well.

This type of deep listening isn’t something most of us were taught to do. Even those who do make an intentional effort to listen well need occasional reminders to return to loving the person in front of them rather than falling prey to distractions. These are simple practices to embrace the way of deep listening in your life.

Listen to Yourself: Seek Silence

Silence is the simplest way to connect with what your own inner voice is telling you. It leaves room for your thoughts to settle, allowing deep thoughts or feelings to rise to the surface. Yet, it’s not easy to find silence in our modern world. The sounds of traffic overtake birdsong. Podcasts, videos, and television are always available to us. Even good noise, such as a prayer app or the sounds of a boisterous family, can contribute to the lack of silence in our lives.

Even if a silent retreat isn’t accessible to you, there are simple ways to introduce silence to your day. Think of a time when you typically have music, the radio, or a podcast playing, such as while walking or exercising, driving, or doing chores. Choose one of those times to intentionally choose silence instead, even if it’s just for five or ten minutes.

Notice how you feel during the silence. Are your mind and body restless? Do they eventually settle? How do you feel when the silence ends? Silence can be uncomfortable at first. You may need to try this practice several times before you begin to hear yourself well.

Listen to Others: Be Fully Present

Most of us would agree that we want to be fully present to our friends or family, but in practice that becomes difficult. Friends tell long, winding stories. Kids can be whiny or tiresome. There’s breaking news unfolding and you want to check your phone. Deep listening asks us to set aside these feelings and distractions so that you can fully attend to the person before you.

Set your phone aside, preferably somewhere you can’t see it. Use eye contact and body language, such as leaning forward and nodding occasionally, to encourage the other person in what they’re saying. Practice letting your own thoughts pass by as you listen; try not to think of what you’re going to say next, but on being truly in the present with the person who’s with you. If intrusive thoughts continue to arise, imagine setting them on a shelf and telling them that they’ll get their say later, but not right now.

Sometimes we’re just tired and don’t feel that we can be attentive in the way someone else deserves. Be gentle with yourself, remembering that you are human and have your own needs. If you can, try to take some time for silence or another restorative practice before you begin listening deeply to someone else. It’s not always possible to prepare—spontaneous conversations happen all the time—but the more you give your own heart room to be heard, the more available you’ll be to stay present to others.

Listen to the Divine: Notice God’s Movement

Practicing this way of listening can lead to greater attunement toward how God is moving in your life. God meets each of us in different places and speaks to us in different ways. Where have you noticed God in the past? In nature, at a concert, enjoying a meal with friends, in the pages of a book, on a long drive . . . anywhere you feel peace, contentment, love, joy, or a feeling of being held.

God often speaks in subtle ways. Not everyone gets a dramatic vision or hears an audible voice. More often, you may notice a stirring in your heart or experience a thought that doesn’t feel like it came from your own mind. Other times you may experience some version of the same message over and over again in different places. These aren’t just coincidences but signs to pay attention to. The more you’ve practiced spending time in silence or contemplative prayer, the easier it will become to discern when you’re hearing the Divine voice in your life.

An Ignatian practice that can help you become aware of God’s movement is the Examen prayer. This daily ritual invites us to notice moments of consolation (where we feel most able to give and receive love) and desolation (where love and gratitude feel difficult). Everyone will have moments of both in their day. The Examen can help draw our attention to those small moments where God may be using ordinary parts of life to speak to us.

Listening in Love

Deep listening can become a positive loop. The more often you’re able to hear and honor your own voice and God’s voice within you, the more you are able to pour out love and deep listening to others. Our events at Sacred Ground are designed to give you safe spaces to practice listening deeply. Join us for a monthly Sacred Circle gathering or a Groundings lecture, or learn more about our transformative Spiritual Direction Formation and Training Program.